A classical guitarist won 10 million dollars in the lottery last week. When a reporter asked, “What are you going to do now?” He replied with determination…
“I will keep giving concerts until the money runs out.”
What do you call a guy who likes to hang out with musicians?
How do you make a guitarist’s car more aerodynamic?
You remove the pizza sign off the top off it.
(from Al Maggedon)
How many lutenists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They won’t touch anything electric.
How do you know when there is a guitarist at the door?
He doesn’t know when to come in.
A classical guitarist dreams of becoming a great musician and he decides to go to the music school and become a serious musician. But first he has to pass a little test in musical theory. The teacher asks him
“What is the subdominant of “F”?” The guitarist doesn’t come up with an answer, so the teacher says…
“Could it be, you don’t know what a subdominant is??”
“Of course I know that!”, he says
“So what’s the problem?”
“I always thought, that “F” IS the subdominant!”
A one time musician reaches adulthood…it does happen…gives up the rock and roll life style and marries. He gets the mortgage and the kid. The child reaches his teenage years and hearing of Dad’s youthful adventures decides that he too would like to become a musician.
Dad says, “Okay, but you must do this properly and take lessons on the instrument. What do you want to play?”
Junior replies, “I want to be a bass player.”
“Fine,” says the proud Dad and he goes out and buys a Junior a bass and amp and arranges for the lessons. Junior returns from his first lesson and Dad asks how it went. “Great!” says the lad,”I learned all the notes on the E string.” “Terrific!”, Dad replies.
The next week Junior returns from the 2nd lesson. Dad asks again how it went. “Cool”, says Junior, “I learned all the notes on the A string.” “Good progress,” smile Dad.
The next week Dad comes home to find Junior sitting with his Nintendo. “Hey, I thought you had a bass lesson today. ” Junior looks up and says, “Yeah, but I blew it off, I’ve got a gig.”
A young boy and his mother are walking down the street and the boy turns to his mother and says “Mom, when I grow up I want to be a musician!”
his mother replies “Now now son you cant do both”!
the difference between a musician and a pizza ?
A pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you get an musician off your front step ?
Pay for the pizza.
How do you get a classical guitarist to play pianissimo?
Give him some music to read.
What do you call a diminished chord played with an augmented chord?
A demented chord
Jim dies and goes to heaven. St Peter greets him and asks ‘ how did things go for you back on earth?’ Jim replies, ‘It was O.K.. I had a wife, some kids, two dogs and a house with a white picket fence’ ‘Great’, says St Peter, ‘what was it you did while you were alive?’ ‘ Oh I was in Real estate.’ ‘Good, come on in’ he says.
Stephen follows Jim up to heaven and gets the same questions. ‘I had a great time! Lots of parties, time at the beach and a beautiful family’. Good, come on in.
Gilbert was next in line and gets the questions from St. Peter. ‘Well, after my third marriage I had to sell most of my things to get by and I took a part time job at a burger joint. Life wasn’t as great as I thought it would be in the beginning’. ‘That’s a shame’, says St Peter. ‘So tell me, what type of guitar do you play?’
What do you call a “Perfect Pitch”?
Throwing a lute into a dumpster without hitting the sides
If you were lost in the woods, who would you ask for directions?
1. The Easter Bunny,
2. An in tune classical guitarist
3. An out of tune classical guitarist
3. Answers 1 and 2 mean that you’re hallucinating.
How many classical guitarists does it take to change a light bulb ?
One to change the bulb and nine to tell you how they would have done it better.
The definition of a gentleman
Someone who knows how to play serial music, but doesn’t
The definition of an optimist:
A classical guitarist with a pager
How do you get a guitarist to play more quietly ?
Give him a sheet of music.